Monday, June 14, 2010

10 Worst Christian Songs Ever

OK, I actually am a huge fan of Christian music. My dad was a youth pastor in the 80's and every Friday I would come home to find that he had put a new cassette tape on my bed of the latest Christian band. So I never want to be too cynical or too critical of Christian music... =) I mostly listen to music that helps make me be awake and aware of God. But over the years there have been some pretty bad songs written and performed in the name of Jesus. I recently heard a song on christian radio that got me thinking that I needed to compile a list of some of my most hated Christian songs ever... This was actually very difficult and I'm sure I am missing a lot, but maybe you can help me. Now please, let's have a sense of humor here - no one needs to get angry... here we go:

10. The Gaither Vocal Band - Why Me Lord. This was a huge hit originally by Kris Kristofferson in the early 70's. It became so big that every Christian music act started singing it all across the country. My parents were in a band in the 70's and they actually put it on one of their albums as a joke (they had their drummer sing it, a guy that can't sing... hilarious version). But I had to include it even though many won't remember it.

9. Stryper - To Hell with the Devil. Ok, many of you will kill me over this - especially you 80's music freaks. But let's just be honest here- the title alone makes you laugh. Enough said...

8. Petra - Lord I lift Your Name on High. Now, obviously this is not an original Petra song, but I thought I would go ahead and hit two birds with one stone. There are a lot of Petra songs that I actually listened to and liked as a kid (I especially loved the album This Means War when I was 15). But, when Petra started doing worship music, it just hurt a little. I always disliked the song, but the Petra version is so bad that you just have to listen it.

7. Newsboys - Breakfast. "When the toast has burned and all the milk has turned and Captain Crunch is waving farewell. When the Big One finds you may this song remind you that they don't serve breakfast in Hell." This is one of their biggest hits and when they perform it, 40 year olds who loved the Newsboys back in the early 90's throw Captain Crunch cereal at the band while they perform... I guess this is when you know you've made it... good stuff!

6. DC Talk - Heaven Bound - Now, I actually love DC Talk and I have seen them in concert so many times - they really put on a great show. But this song off of their first album is not their best showing. It's actually the best song on that first album, but that's not saying much.

5. Ray Boltz - The Altar. This was Ray's attempt to have another hit song like, Thank You. But it doesn't quite make it... It actually makes me feel like I need to go brush my teeth - it's just way to sappy, syrupy, and pretentious...

4. Chris Rice - The Cartoon Song. Chris Rice is actually awesome but I don't know what he was thinking. Can't we just erase this and have a do over?

3. Avalon - Knocking on Heaven's Door. To take a Guns-N-Roses song and turn it into a Christian song, well...

2. Sonseed - Jesus is my Friend. Many of us have just become aware of this band and so this wasn't a song that I was aware of until more recently. Their name Sonseed...hmmm... Awkward.

1. Carman - The Soap Song. Every once in a while a Christian musician gets the idea to take pop culture and twist the words a bit and make a song or whatever, "Christian" (i.e. "this blood is for you," instead of, "this bud is for you" - from a beer commercial - Carman actually does this in his song "This Blood"). Carman, who could be on this list multiple times, out does himself with the Soap Song. He wrote a song with day-time soap opera titles to get his Christian message out there. God help us all!


  1. How about the song "I am a friend of God"...I think it's by Israel Houghton...horrible song both for content and sound.

  2. Now them's fighting words on #4. "Cartoons" is just a fun song, nothing more intended. Lighten up! ;-)

  3. Tor - yes! I am a friend of God - I'm with you!
    Andrew... I know, I know... =)

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  5. Um, you, of course, mean the BOB DYLAN song "Knockin' On Heaven's Door". Right?

  6. What cracks me up is Chris Rice himself hates "Cartoons." Let that be a lesson to you -- never write a song as a joke, it may follow you for the rest of your life.

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